


When You Go Bra-Shopping, Pick Your Patterns First

by spj



Series: Trick or Treat! [8]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Family, Gen, bra shopping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2019-01-17 00:36:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12353763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spj/pseuds/spj
Summary: Gintoki and Shinpachi go bra-shopping for Kagura, and run into Hijikata and Sougo.





	When You Go Bra-Shopping, Pick Your Patterns First

**Author's Note:**

> again im so sorry  
> its been a rough week in many ways and i have no idea what is going on  
> really feel like im bringing down the quality here haha  
> anyway if you do understand whats happening i really do hope you like it
> 
> Halloween Advent, Day 8  
> Prompt: Maple

The premise was supposed to be simple. Kagura was growing up, and she was getting to the age where she needed a bra. Buying her first trainer bra was something that Gintoki, as her guardian, and Shinpachi, as her adopted brother, felt they needed to do to become True Parents.

Yes, the premise was simple. 

The execution? Not so much.

“A maple leaf? What the fuck do you think she is, a stripper?” Gintoki flung the tiny maple leaf-patterned bra back at the sales associate’s face. “Bring us something more wholesome! Like white cotton! With cute lace patterns!”

As the sales associate scampered off, Shinpachi grabbed at Gintoki’s arm. “Uh, Gin-san?” he whispered. “Don’t you think white cotton might be… _more_ pervy?”

“Che!” Gintoki drew himself up and tsked at Shinpachi. “A virgin like you could never understand how perverted a maple leaf is. Don’t you see your sister wearing maple leaves all the time?”

“Hey! Leave my sister out of this! And she’s never worn a maple leaf in her life!”

“Shinpachi, Shinpachi, Shinpachi.” Gintoki slung an arm around his shoulder, which Shinpachi immediately tried to shrug off. “Your sister is always trying to protect you from the dark side of the world. You should thank her more often.”

“My sister does _not wear maple leaves_!”

As the two of them stood in the shop quarreling over leaf patterns and chasing out all the other patrons, neither of them noticed a dark shadow falling over Shinpachi until it was too late. 

“Oi, I didn’t think we were going to the circus, Hijikata-san,” someone said.

Shinpachi screamed.

“Stop bullying Shimura, Sougo,” Hijikata said, whipping Sougo about the head with a bottle of mayo.

“O-Oh, Hijikata-san, Okita-san!” Shinpachi said, bowing respectfully as he could, painfully aware of how he screamed at Okita just moments before. “Are you off duty?”

“Yeah,” Hijikata said, lighting up a cigarette. “Kondo-san asked us to pick something up for him.”

At those words, one of the sales associates (who were all huddled in the corner, shivering) perked up and scuttled over. “A pick-up, sir? For Commander Kondou Isao?”

“Yeah, that’s him.”

“Yes, we have it right here, sir.”

They produced a small brown package from their sleeve and bowed as they presented it to Hijikata. "We hope he enjoys his purchase, sir."

"Oi!" In a flash, Hijikata had his sword drawn and pointed at the sales associate's face. However, he didn't seem angry - he seemed... embarrassed? A delicate blush dusted over his cheeks, spreading all the way to his ears. "You take that back! Kondou-san does  _not_ wear panties!"

"No," Gintoki drawled, plucking the package from the cowering sales associate. "He usually just goes commando."

"Kondou-san is manly and respectable," Hijikata said as loudly as he could, even as Gintoki turned his back on him, as if by talking louder he could pretend Gintoki didn't exist. "He wears what he wants."

"Oh?" Gintoki said. He turned around grinning at Hijikata.

Hijikata immediately steadied his sword. A smile like that from the Yorozuya - one of his signature wide, slit-eyed grins - always foretold trouble. Always.  

Gintoki whipped out a pair of white cotton panties, patterned with... were those maple leaves? "Even if he wears this?"

Hijikata saw the parties, then saw the torn brown packaging at Gintoki's feet. He put two and two together. 

Before Hijikata could react, however, Sougo walked over to Gintoki to pick something up from the mess at Gintoki's feet, interrupting their standoff. "Hang on. What's this?" He looked up with a sadistic grin that made all of Hijikata's hairs stand up, even the ones on his head and by his dick.

Sougo flicked two of his fingers up. Between them was a note. "I found this in the package. I wonder what it says."

"Sougo, don't - !"

" _Dear my fairest Otae-san_ \- 'my' Otae-san, hm? _You are the most radiant woman I've ever met. P_ _lease wear these panties when we meet tonight. Love_   _Isao._ Wooooow, what a touching love letter, I've never read anything more touching and passionate, more passionate than those romance novels  _you_ like to read, Hijikata-san."

"Sougo, I don't read romance novels!" Hijikata sputtered. 

Gintoki grinned. "I wonder what your men would think if they ever found out, Oogushi-kun. Their fearless commander actually reads hot and steamy - "

"They're not hot and steamy!"

"So you admit you do read them - "

In the midst of all this ruckus, Shinpachi stood quietly, his eyes fixed on the note in Okita's hand, blood pressure slowly rising. 

98%... 99%... 100%. 

Shinpachi saw red. He marched over to Sougo and tore the letter up before ripping the panties from Gintoki's hands. “My sister… does not… wear… _MAPLE_!” he roared, and ripped the underwear in two.

 

All four of them were booted from the shop.

 

“Wait, wait, wait!” Gintoki protested, hanging off the shoe of the shop manager. “You don’t understand! It was their fault! Those nasty policemen, tax-leechers, all of them! Arrest them, please!"

"Who's a tax-leecher?" Hijikata snarled from the shop manager's other shoe. "You've never done a single day of work in your life! And arresting people is  _my_ job! You can't tell a civilian to arrest a police officer!"

"Then arrest yourself," Gintoki shot back. "You're getting in the way! Kagura needs bras before her chest explodes!"

"You're in  _my_ way! Kondou-san sent us on this errand that  _you_ messed up again! We need to get those panties for Shimura-san!"

Otae just happened to walk by at that exact moment, and within seconds, she had two naginata jammed up Gintoki and Hijikata-san respective asses. She smiled sweetly. “What did you say?”

They both squeaked.


End file.
